so today sucked. hardcore. i couldnt sleep last night for various reasons. and woke up just feeling lost and confused and depressed and hopeless. i kept thinking all morning i was irreparable. that id messed things up and they werent going to get better. but i spent a long time in devo time and that helped. and then brad bailed on me so i got more devo time this afternoon. and i wanted to remember this so im writing it down right now:
"i need to stop looking at it all as to what quitting my job has cost me. for it really hasnt cost me anything. none of this stuff lasts forever. and it all belongs to God anyways. He gives and takes away as He see's fit. and sometimes it sucks, and i dont like not having a job, but i think most of that is still the greed in me that wants to go out and buy things and have toys and be stupid and let money control me rather than me just having a dead-to-greed spirit towards money where i control it instead. the parable of the talents shows a way to make money work for you, rather than you working for money. because none of those guys EVEN HAD THAT MONEY IN THE FIRST PLACE. IT WASNT THEIRS. and yet they made it work for them. and because of that, they were given even more." that last part about the talents hit me while i was typing. i dont know what it means but i hope it has a meaning for the future.