You are supposed to know right from wrong

so, just as with last thursday, ive been feeling down, and just like last thursday, my bible was sitting open waiting for me to read the next chapter. Micah 3:1-2. while not a comforting chapter, it did strike home with me and put me into a mode of reflection to look at who i am, what i profess to want, and then look at my actions and see that they arent the same. that i say one thing, and do another. but even in failure, God is standing there with a lesson for me. to show me that even when i mess up, He can (and will) use it to get my attention and put me back on track. micah led to me remembering about a chapter on fleeing from temptation in "in the meantime" by rob brendle, but i couldnt remember what verse he used. so i got on the internet (ever so handy) and found the verse in 2 Timothy 22, then i decided to read the entire chapter and immediately came upon verses 1-2 and felt like God was giving me hope. micah 3 was showing me what i was doing, 2 timothy 22 was showing me what to do, and 2 timothy 2:1-2 was saying i shouldnt let my feelings of failure win, that i am forgiven and that God can still use me. for He is greater than my failures.

Micah 3:1-2
2 Timothy 2:1-2
2 Timothy 22

why i pray

i pray, because i am imperfect. when i long for more of Him, its beacuse i dont have enough, because my soul knows i am imperfect. my entire life on this earth will be lived the best i can for Him, but everyday i will pray and repent, asking for forgiveness for my failures. sometimes that will be sins ive comitted, othertimes it will be when ive fallen short. when i had something to give, but what i gave was flawed, imperfect, impure. but this is where i find His grace, mercy, forgiveness, love, compassion. the Lord will not hold my flaws against me, He sent His son to prove it. i should rejoice in my flaws, for when i recognize them, they drive me to draw nearer to Him, they cause me to strive for more of His presence. Even if im asking for forgiveness, im asking it from Him. and when i receive it, its from His hand directly. when i sin and God forgives me, God HIMSELF, the God of the universe, of everything, takes note of me and touches me. even in His unfathomable, limitless, greatness, God is humble enough to forgive a person like me.

so i woke up monday morning feeling like something was wrong between me and God, but i didnt know what. there was a void in my life that i couldnt figure out. praying felt like i was just talking to myself, reading the bible was no different than reading jurassic park, my thoughts were scattered all day and i couldnt do anything to fix it. i prayed and prayed and prayed and didnt understand.

on wednesday i realized it was that the Spirit of the Lord had left me. which was a terrifying thought at first. i felt alone and helpless, it was like i was back in Greeley. but i continued to seek a reason, to figure out what had happened. had i done something, or was God teaching me a lesson? as i pondered and prayed He surprised me (as usual) and i realized that
A) this is absolutely not the life i want to live. that spending ~3 days without God was intolerable to me, much less the rest of my life.
B) i realized how "good" my life is, is based on how "good" my relationship with God is. if it suffers, my life suffers, if it flourishes, life flourishes :)
C) i had the Spirit of God in me, and didnt even know it. thats something thats been on my mind for months. ive never spoken in tongues, prophesied, or displayed any gifts really. at least in my own mind. i could see in myself that i have the gifts of spiritual discernment, of leadership, and (maybe) of teaching. but somehow i could say i had those, but i would have also said i didnt have the Holy Spirit living in me (strange, i know). it wasnt until i really DIDNT have it in me, i realized what i had lost and that in fact i did have His presence every day, and that every gain ive made in my relationship, understanding, and love of Him has been done in His presence and that i dont need to worry about "finding" God, but rather about losing Him. the Fear of the Lord isnt fear of punishment or of needing salvation or grace, it's the fear of not being with Him.

so yet again, God has taken me to a place i hate and dont understand, and walked me out of it even more in love with Him with even more understanding.

*edit*as soon as i finished typing the above part of this post i went back to my living room read my bible, it had been sitting opened to Amos chapter 8 since sunday, which was when i finished reading chapter 7... God never ceases to amaze me :)

Amos 8:11-13
11 "The days are coming," declares the Sovereign LORD,
"when I will send a famine through the land—
not a famine of food or a thirst for water,
but a famine of hearing the words of the LORD.

12 Men will stagger from sea to sea
and wander from north to east,
searching for the word of the LORD,
but they will not find it.

13 "In that day
"the lovely young women and strong young men
will faint because of thirst.

friends

i should never disappoint God for a friend, but rather can identify true friends as those who like me even more when i choose God before them.

i really suck at putting devo's together and keeping my thoughts straight.... hopefully practice will help out :)

like a thief in the night

when God comes back, its the End of things. there will be no more sin, everyone will be judged, this world as we know it will end. the bible says to be prepared for His coming as if expecting a thief in the night (Matt 24:42-44). for if you know when a thief is coming, you will be prepared. but we dont know when God is coming so we let down our defenses, we say "it wont be tomorrow". but does that matter? should we wait until we see Him on the horizon before we begin to prepare? No! For the Bible tells us this is how it shall be (1 Thess 5:2), we will have no excuse. "I did not know" and "I did not expect you yet" will not hold back God's judgement.

So if we do not have a date for His return, what can we do? Well His return signifies the end of sin, if we look at the world as it is, there is another end to sin. That end is death. Everyone dies. You, your parents, your siblings, everyone you know, will eventually die. And sometimes death too comes like a thief in the night, snatching someone away as they cross the street, as they drive home from work, as they sit watching their favorite TV show. While we can't be sure of God's timing and His return, we can be sure everyone we know is going to die. We should find motivation in this. For now instead of "maybe" as applied to God's return in our lifetime, we have a "definitely" for death. So even if God doesn't return for 200 or 2000 years, we still need to prepare everyone to meet Him. For everyone you know will eventually meet Him. It is our duty to prepare them to enter into His kingdom, rather than to be rejected. For God does not want anyone to go to hell (John 6:40) but longs for all to enter into Eternity with Him.


John 6:40
For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.

Matt 24:42-44
Therefore stay alert, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have been alert and would not have let his house be broken into. Therefore you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

maybe its possible to work for God in big ways everyday, but i dont know how. i need to learn to be content with what i have, maybe im not making huge strides, changing the world, etc. but ive never been told im going to do that, i hope i can, but if not, i want to be content with my life. to know that even though i dont see change everyday, God does. i cant see a person age, or know which path has been taken, but God does. and He is the only one that matters. He is the Judge of it all, so i need to please Him. i currently please Him by doing big things, making big changes, but thats just an indicator of how far away from Him i was, how off base i was, how badly i had messed up. as i come more to Him the changes will be smaller (maybe, they could be huge still, i dont know) but a lifetime of tiny changes is just as good as making huge strides (especially if the strides only last for a few months/years). i long to follow Him all the days of my life.

possible devo

bringing the workplace into God, not God into the workplace.
we dont need to bring a cross to put on the wall, or a bible in our stack of books, God is already in the workplace, He is everywhere. all we do by bringing little items is profess God, rather than confess Him. rather, we need to not bring God into the workplace, but find a workplace in God, where we can confess Him, honor Him, and bless Him everyday.

"And I say to you, everyone who confesses Me before men, the Son of Man will confess him also before the angels of God" luke 12:8, matt 10:32

bringing the workplace into God is, i think, a way of living life in which your coworkers, your environment, etc can tell that YOU are different. not because you have crosses on your wall, but because of the way you conduct yourself, the things you stand for (which means you have to stand for something, not be wishy-washy, or a hippocrite), the way you live. so that your coworkers know that something is different. i think if we live that way, that people, maybe just 1 person, will speak up and ask "whats special about you? why are you different?". the people that will ask that, i think, will ask because they WANT it. there will be something within you that speaks to them, that something is God. maybe they dont know it, but if they ask, you can tell them. bringing the workplace into God is a way of letting the workplace ask about Him due to curiosity (they bring themselves to you, and through you, to Him) rather than you bringing Him to them.

This is not a curse, nor a punishment, but a blessing.