mill leadership retreat weekend

4 things i learned this weekend. im not sure if theyre visions, or just me understanding things, some had mental images to go along, some were just me going "im an idiot..."

1) "God, build my life". that was the prayer i found? came up with? i dunno. its the prayer of this weekend. i saw myself trying to build my life, 1 block on top of the other, a foundation, walls, windows, etc. but it wasnt finished, there was no roof, the walls didnt reach all the way up, for my life isnt done, and im never done building. then i saw God's pinky finger brush it all aside and i knew He was right. i could build my life however i want, but it wont be on a solid foundation (in my mind, my house was built on sand, just like in the parable) and that He could demolish it in an instant. He gave me my job 2 years ago in the span of 30 seconds, and He took it away in an instant as well. and i knew if i built my life, He could always destroy it. but then i saw the same image again, except this time it was God's hands placing the blocks. and He was placing them on a stone that is surrounded by sand, and i knew that the blocks could not be destroyed, could not be moved, could not be placed incorrectly. and that anything God builds, cannot fail. and so i want Him as the architect of my life. "God, build my life"

2) I have gifts. ive been praying for spiritual gifts (liek prophecy, tongues, etc) for a while and frustrated i didnt have any. but then yesterday i realized i did. that i have the gift of leadership, and of giving, and of serving. and that i need to cultivate them and build them up, rather than want different ones, or ones that i think would be more "fun". and that im not going to hear a voice saying "here are your gifts" and a list be given. but that i already have them, and i just have to use them now.

3) god promises a lot of things. but money, fame, fortune, an easy life, a life without worry, and instant happiness are not on that list. but honor, righteousness, integrity, and eternal Life are. and that though the world says we need money, and that money is what the world revolves around. God says we cannot serve both God and Money, and that we have to choose. the world says money is God, God created the world. ive decided to put my money in God (har, yay for puns!). i know it wont be easy, both to live that way, and for my mind to even accept that. but im going to do my best, and when i cant do anymore, i know God will help me. already i can see the differences between what the world says and how worthless those rewards are, and how amazing the rewards God promises are. and its tough for me to say "i want to have righteousness and integrity rather than money", because for 23 years my life has revolved around money. it solved my problems, it provided good times, it made my world go round. and now im saying "die". and its tough, very tough. to change my thoughts from that of money (its amazing how much your mind revolves around money, even when you arent thinking directly about it. even wanting a new XBOX game is really wanting the money to have that XBOX game. or that new shotgun. or to go on that date with someone. its always "how much money do i have?") im still dwelling on this thought, and i know it will go much deeper, but thats where im at right now. im sure another post will go deeper with new thoughts.

4) everything i do, must be done in Love. i can totally walk away from money, let God build my life, use my gifts, etc. but if i dont do it out of Love, but rather because i want something for myself, its all for naught. if i do it for any other reason than out of love, im doing it for selfish reasons, and thus am doing it for sin. be it for greed, pride, lust, etc. and i dont really know much about doing things out of Love, its not something ive ever really done a whole lot of before. so its kind of new, just like not serving/worry about money. and im sure ill learn more and write about it soon.